Random Thoughts

An Election Vignette

You have to give kudos to Bush for campaign strategy. He will meet every challenge that Kerry offers. First he is more than a match for Kerry's confusing and contradictory statements. His brand of neologisms and syntax would beat a Wernicke's aphasic word salad. It is truly fortunate that in America everybody gets potable piped water in the house. Imagine if their better halves had to go to the village well like 'Paniharis'. They would meet at the village well and brag about their husband's speeches, their content, message and semantics; all the while speaking loudly so that the village women could hear the merits of their spouses.

Teresa says, 'My husband is so great and knowledgeable that when he speaks nobody can understand the meaning'.

Laura not to be outdone says, 's that all, my husband's speech is so great that when he speaks not only nobody can understand him, even he himself cannot understand'.

Teresa – Oh yea! My husband recently fell down while skiing.

Laura – My husband is better. Anyone can fall down while skiing. My husband fell off a couch while eating a pretzel.

Teresa – My husband fell off a bike as a kid and without any practice fell off it again fifty years later just like Senator Glenn went back to being an astronaut once again without practice, after many years.

Laura – Anyone can fall off a bike. My husband fell off a mountain bike.

Teresa – When my husband went to war in Vietnam, the enemy could never find him.

Laura – Big deal. When my George fought the Vietnam War, not only the enemy, even our people couldn't find him.

Suddenly George, John and Ralph arrive at the scene.

Ralph – You guys can't even ride a bike and keep falling off. I hope you guys didn't fall off a tree. You are unsafe at any speed.

George – That's not true. I may have been pickled in the past but I never did speed.

John – I have more pickles than you and don't even try ketch up. Anyway all this is irrelevant for elections.

George – Why are you talking like a Japanese? As a born again Christian I don't approve of your talking dirty. I want a clean media even if it is concentrated and not free.

Ralph – Both you guys are beholden to vested interests and have no free will.

John – What is wrong with following a policy of Western interests? I stand for Judeo-Christian principles.

George – I completely support Israel and I saw and liked 'Free Willie'.

Ralph – We should pull our troops out of Iraq and stop this illegal war.

George – Sharon is a peaceful man and Arafat is a terrorist. That is why I didn't join the International Court of Justice. If you want to talk about Iraq, I need to have Cheney by my side to prompt me because it was his idea and I know nothing about it. I can never keep Iraq and Iran straight, not to mention these different confusing Koreas.

John – I voted for the war but voted against the 87 billion dollars. I am too intelligent for the common people to understand as my meathead admirer said.

Ralph – We have enormous deficits and unfunded liabilities in the future and we need fiscal sanity.

George – That is why I want to abolish all taxes on the rich and investments. We will only tax the poor and the working and eliminate social security, welfare and other social programs to cut the deficit and the debt.

John – I know how to deal with financial problems. Ask Teresa. Why when I had a campaign deficit, I borrowed over six million dollars on a house that I jointly own with Teresa even though it is worth less than what I borrowed. We must continue our empire and cannot withdraw from Iraq until America and Teresa run out of money.

George – What has Mother Teresa to do with all this? I thought she was in Kosovo and moved to the India-Pakistan border to save the Taliban.

Ralph – Teresa is also the name of John's wife.

George – Why don't you change her name, so I won't get confused. I have problems with Slovenia and Slovakia. All these Slovs sound alike. What I don't understand is when we freed the slaves we moved them to Liberia and now they are all over Eastern Europe. How did they get there and who brought them? Every morning Condi and Cheney make me recite my 'Stans' – Turkmenistan, Uzbekistan, Tajikistan, Kyrgyzstan, Kazakhstan, Azerbaistan, Pakistan, Afghanistan, Baluchistan, Dristan. I bet you guys can't do that.

American voters in the background being polled by Zombies sing out in a chorus.  'We are still undecided and need to know more about the candidates'!!!   


More by :  Gaurang Bhatt, MD

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