For the past four years I have been writing a weekly column at this website. I have sought no financial reward and to confess honestly, I write at other sites too. I have been raised on my vernacular poem, "Taari dhaak sunni koi naa aave to tu eklo jaane re". It roughly translates as if no one listens to your clarion call, you proceed alone.
I have loved and followed Henley's poem
"Out of the night that covers me
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.
In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.
Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find me, unafraid.
It matters not how strait the gate
How charged with punishments the scrolls,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul."
I still subscribe to these philosophies. This site has no feedback telling me how many, if any readers read my columns. I would be lying if I said I don't care. It is obvious to me that the readers of this site have a much larger interest in nudity, masturbation and other sexual inclinations. I am not surprised or offended. There is an era when the brain is controlled by sex hormones and we all pass through it. My concern is whether this is the right forum for my irrelevant ideas. I have no quarrel or complaint, just an honest reappraisal of whether I am at the right venue. I know that we Indians are a passive people as our long history of subjugation confirms. Nevertheless, we live in America, an advanced society with freedom of speech and it costs us nothing to debate an issue or express an opinion at the site. Whether it is laziness or indifference, it is selectively biased against politics or serious matters and not hampered when it comes to sex, nudity or other prurient interests. It is not for me to stand in judgment or criticize, but it is incumbent upon me to reassess whether I am at the right forum. The rejection of the readers of this site may hamper, but will not seriously dent my attitudes, interests or thinking. It is very important for me to know whether my efforts are of interest to readers and if so to what extent and degree. I am not seeking fan mail for my aggrandizement, but it would be nice to see some discussion on the forum, scathingly critical, cloyingly appreciative or intellectually challenging. I have received occasional encouragement and am grateful and inspired by it, but it leaves me unsure whether it is a waste of time and effort.
I think I raise some controversial issues that deserve debate and thought. We Indians notoriously have an exaggerated sense of self-importance and despite my efforts, I may have dismally failed in overcoming this shortfall and even worse, been blissfully unaware of it. Our long history of colonization with the natural outcome of subservience and disinterest in challenging authority that may jeopardize survival, may have been a good evolutionary strategy to assuage our insecurity and ensure economic survival in a hostile world in which we were compelled to a subjugated status, but it can become a vicious cycle of increasing insecurity, stifled progress and recurrent domination.
Some uncharitable people may view this as a forced applause or coerced acknowledgment and appreciation. That is not the intention. I am aware that others may think that my attempts at writing are undeserving of such effort on their part and rightly so. I have no quarrel or complaint of them. My efforts have never been for pecuniary remuneration, so the monetary value of my writings or lack thereof is not a matter for serious concern. Fortunately even my ego is not on the line as respectable think-tank web-sites post my writings, however misguided they may be.
To vainly pretend that I wish to elevate the level of discourse would be presumptuous arrogance even if it were right. Being neither a Messiah nor a prophet, it is not for me to prescribe a course. Nevertheless, I have serious worries about the future of our country, if the only interests the majority have is about their personal economic success and the orgasmic ecstasy of mating with their fantasy partner.
To regress to that instinctual level would be both a betrayal and waste of eons of evolution that resulted in the crowning glory of the acquisition of our neo-cortex. Once again I wish to refrain from being judgmental and seek recourse in an ancient Indian adage that once you have gifted a vessel to a candidate, it is his choice whether to invoke and appease the supreme being, if any, with it or fill it water to wash his rear end after defecation.
In any case my purpose is to stimulate debate, opinions and criticism rather than passive readership, if any or rile against just plain unconcerned indifference. Perhaps it is deserved and there is no reason to complain. However important articles from other prestigious web-sites with important content meet the same indifferent nonchalance as my poor efforts making me less paranoid or insecure. I realize that I may be flogging a dead horse, but it is nice to know and even better to be certain, thus allowing one to learn and re-direct efforts more usefully.