Nov 04, 2025
Nov 04, 2025
A precocious second grade        class is given homework by the teacher. The assignment is difficult and        the children ask myriad queries. The teacher patiently answers them and        then defines the assignment parameters. She tells the students that the        ingredients of any good novel are religion, sex, morality and royalty with        liberal doses of scatology.
There were eight students in the class. Let us call them A, B, C, D, E, F,        G, H, I. This is a magnet school and all students don't feel obligated to        do homework. On the due date, only "A" has written a novel. She reads it        aloud, Holy s--t, said the princess, Pregnant again, is it proper and        whodunnit? 
Now those who had not done their homework were asked to give their        critical input, instead of being expelled from class, due to prevalent        post-modernistic tolerance for individual mythology. Who knows what        unintended discrimination they experienced in their prenatal state, when        they did not have the capability to appreciate the inherent bias of the        established power structures that pre-existed their birth? 
This is not some flimsy argument about inconsequential absurdities like        healthcare. We are talking about the fundamental right of every American        to be brainwashed with his or her own freely selected designer brand of        unadulterated hogwash, which the great founding fathers wrote into the        confusion of the bill of fights and other amazements, so that every        American would not ever lose his or her inalienable, fundamental right to        be duped or bare arms or other parts, as an expression of freedom of        speech.
We now come to the class discussion. 
"B" like the rest of the lazy        guys has not made any effort to do homework, speaks up, It is gripping.        "C" says, It is a masterpiece. 
"D" after hemming and hawing says, What was his childhood like? 
"E" says, Does he have angst?. 
"F" sagaciously says all this is irrelevant, but if he had killed instead        of impregnating, would he have deserved the death penalty? 
Who cares about the death penalty, you stupid monomaniac, says "G", the        critical issue is
when this hypothetical woman was pregnant, did anybody offer her a choice        of abortion?. 
H, thoughtfully quips, in this world of victims, are we dealing with a        saint or a martyr. 
"I" said, I think that the interplay of emotional instincts, and the cross        cultural interrelations, reflect the symphonic melding of independent dark        and light tones of human nature.
Tempos Fugit. The teacher became secretary of education, "A" became        Fucquelynn Faartlund, a successful novelist of trash and contemporary        literature, "B" is a major editor at a prominent publishing house, "C" is        the CEO of the same publishing house, "D" is the bullshit professor of        psychology at a prestigious university, "E" is the president of Wasting        institution, an ethical
fink-tank, "F" is the president of a nonprofit organization called        Citizens for Personal Non-
responsibility, "G" holds the endowed professorial chair on        destructive feminism. "H" is the professor of post-modernistic and        deconstructed focal matter and holds a second appointment in subjective        convenient misinterpretation at an elitist university for polluting        education. "I" became the most prominent critic of America.
I know how much we all are naturally addicted to something or the other        and above all to unambiguous endings, so I want to let you know that "A"        to "I" lived unhappily ever after, in blissful ignorance and complacent        stupidity.     
23-Mar-2002
More by : Gaurang Bhatt, MD