Feb 20, 2024
Feb 20, 2024
This is what a Watergate fly on the wall of the DNC office may have heard the week before the midterm elections. The great strategist Torricelli is no relation to the ethically withdrawn New Jersey Senator. The chief of the Democratic stink tank was given the name of the Italian physicist, because he discovered that there is a vacuum at the top of the barometer of Democratic leadership. He was having a brainstorm and the EEG monitor recorded the expected flat lines of electrical silence, a telltale sign of intense thinking by Democrats.
Chief Fink of Stink Tank: We have two serious problems, as we need to replace the New Jersey and
Minnesota senate candidates due to the figurative and literal extinction of the torch and the light. We need candidates with instant name recognition to beat the Republican challengers.
House Minority Drip: I suggest we put up the mummy of Ramses, the Second. His name is well known. Being a mummy, he is sure to garner the soccer-mom vote. He let the Jews go, so it won't hurt us with them and he is not breaking the Jackson-Vanik amendment. The first three letters of Ramses spell the famed Hindu God, so we will get the ethnic vote of Little India in Edison and the whole name will reel in the Arab Street. Because he is the Second, we are bound to get the WASP vote. Ramses's crown is so much like a Bishop's hat that the Catholics will fall for him. He signed a peace treaty with the He-tights, so the gay community will line up behind him.
Senate Majority Dweep: Have you considered that at such short notice, the INS, FBI and CIA cannot give him security clearance and with his dominant personality, he may hijack our agenda? Our best bet is Two-Tank-Atone aka Two-Tank-Amen. He has lived in the United States before so no clearance is necessary. Between atone and amen, he will sweep the Judeo-Christian vote, which really counts. He is dark skinned and from Africa. That locks up the African-American block en masse. We will probably get the Last of the Mehicans' and For'Two Ricans' vote. Run it by the leaders, Where are they?
Fink of Tank: Toe Must Dabble and Duke of Go Fart are wriggling on the Fight House Lawn. I love it, that the new candidate's name like mine has 'TANK' in it. This is like keeling two Byrds with Aton. What about Minnesota?
Frito Caucus Chorus: We will decide that when our kloocks are at A-WAKE. (A moaning chorus in the background is singing at the wake) ----
We'r Furr it's ma-and-ale,
We don't care if it's stale,
Coz for all, female or male
It is really a Snowman sale.
Bush fly: (buzzes back to his minder hiding in the Fight House) Tsay-Tsay master Zany, you won't beleeeve what I just heeeard from them Damn-o- Cratzy folks!
VIP Zany: Boy, you buzz off to sleep and don't you scraitch your haid. I don't want your mamma accusin' me of givin' you brain fever. (Mumbles to himself) You bet I get irregular heartbeats when I have to talk Texan to that genius cowboy!
(Evening time and the scene ends, The curtain drops as all bit players having memorized and grunted their lines, retire to feed at the public trough)
A dazed audience member: I cannot believe that some version of this farce has been running daily for over 200 years and people like me have been paying for it!
More by : Gaurang Bhatt, MD