Guthema Roba says, “accepted grief is an alchemy

that transforms pain into grace–“

Grief is not a punishment meted out to us by some higher power. It is a complex emotional experience each of us goes through in life. It can be caused by the death of a loved one or by break-up of an amazing friendship/relationship that promised to be everlasting. It hurts as much as separation by death. 

There is no standard, prescribed way to grieve. The journey through grief is tidal – it ebbs and flows, often rising as a monstrous wave of memories or an outpouring of tears/words, when least expected. Each individual expresses sorrow differently and finds solace in their unique way. The greater the love shared, the deeper is the pain. 

”No matter how long it's been, there are times when it suddenly becomes harder to breathe." — Anonymous

Grace in loss is acceptance, patience, self-compassion, giving oneself the permission to feel the pain and go through the process without being judgemental. It is the inner strength that sustains and helps one endure till one can rise out of it with equanimity and poise. It lets you cry unashamedly; it allows you to mourn in silence. Personally it gave me the courage to alter overwhelming traditions and find breathing space by setting boundaries. I did this gently, without hurting others, giving them the space they needed to face their own distress, because a death leaves a tremendous gap in the many lives that person touched. Often the grieving is collective and there is blessing in that too. It gave all a deeper gift for understanding and consideration towards one another.

(G.R.A.C.E. Model):

A psychological framework involving Gathering attention in the body, Recalling your intention to heal, Attuning to emotions without judgment, Considering what serves you best, and Engaging in gentle action or rest.

Journey Through Loss

The G.R.A.C.E. reflective practice was originally developed by Roshi Joan Halifax of the Upaya Zen Center in Santa Fe, New Mexico. The practice has universal applications, but was initially intended as a tool for caregivers, healers, therapists and medical personnel to stay grounded, embodied and compassionately engaged with others. This helps to ensure the best compassionate care of both self and other, while also being a buffer to professional burn-out. Since grief is so much a part of the caring professions, it occurred to me that the model has applications for the bereaved as well.

G-A-T-E CHAPLAINCY (Grief Awareness & Transformative Engagement) Brad Hunter 2016.

“It’s possible to go on, no matter how impossible it seems, and that in time, the grief … lessens. It may not go away completely, but after a while, it’s not so overwhelming.” ---Nicholas Spark