Human mind is open, wide and spacious. Boundaries do not bind it or confine it. It is ever active, ever smart, running from everywhere to everywhere, moving from nowhere to nowhere, yet always reaching somewhere. Its reach may be within the reach of ridicule or beyond the reach of wisdom. So whatever labels or libels or accolades, we win or earn in life have two sides- ridicule or ridiculous and wisdom. My mind has also often run strange and come out with something strange. This strangeness gave, many a time, some thoughts and ideas which shaped and molded my life as such. And as such, it determined my joy or happiness or suffering or misery, grace or disgrace, ascendancy or descendancy, success or failure. Well, the world in which we live has its own eyes to view us; its own mindset to judge us. If we remain apprehensive of these eyes or mindset and if we allow ourselves to be haunted or hounded by them, our happy living and our advancement are retarded or arrested. We also draw conclusions about the people around us and give our own judgment about the way the world works.
I have been unsuspecting about anybody and everybody until they gave unsavory experiences to me. The nears, very nears, the dears, very dears - were all taken unsuspectingly. I thought of all as the best, worthy of love, respect, concern and consideration only because they were born humans. Whatever virtues and ideals I valued and thought essential for making life good, noble, happy, loving, graceful and respectable, they betrayed in practice. I turned a fool all the time. Trusting honestly and unsuspectingly was unforgivable foolishness and that folly, a dusky realization in the dusk of life, left much to feel sad, bad, dejected, rejected, bitter and estranged. All these feelings are immense and intense today but confined within the dark dungeons of the heart.
Still I have not learnt to distrust or mistrust. Lack of courage for the practical gains has always been a miscalculation. The only thing is that I trust goodness and beauty of life, have faith in the intellectual honesty and moral uprightness. I was often accused or blamed for what I never wanted or desired. I have portrayed such characters from my daily life in some of my poems also. My children have also paid a heavy price in terms of worldly happiness only for this trust of mine. However, I salute them for all their strength and virtue. They have amply shown that the beauty of the soul, the nobility of thought, the goodness of heart are well reflected in our charming and gracious appearance and blooming personality. They also found, like me, people around living and dying for money day and night in spite of their pretensions to the contrary. With all the gifts that matter for the sweetness and harmony of life, nothing can leave us empty of happiness. Gap is soon filled.
I may come to my belated realization - the role that the people whose names begin with particular letters have played in my life. It may seem odd or awkward to many. It may also seem stupid or nonsensical thought. Some may also think that I have lost sanity. I concede and value everybody’s freedom of thought and expression. So I expect the same from all. When I think and reflect coolly and objectively and dispassionately at how life has gone, my conviction is further strengthened. I have come to firmly believe that there have been some people whose names begin with particular letters created cracks or dents or deep dents with holes and even fell with a bang on the roof of my life. They have been my close relatives or good friends or colleagues for years. They created difficulties and problems and even severe crisis of conscience and gave me really tough and painful times. Some good people with a seeing eye and true love for me did warn me against their nuisance and non-sense and evil designs but I remained unsuspecting. I honestly lived through such times and emerged stronger. Those good people also tried to make me realize how such people were working hard to bring my family also into disrepute.
I still didn’t realize how faithful and concerned they were for me. I may say unhesitatingly that I never cared to live a life of conveniences and remained stuck up with my convictions. It was that think no ill, do no ill and do good to all who approach you for any favor or help. God never let anyone harm people with such convictions. True! God took all care but the world also took all care! Now another conviction that this human world has no need or liking is for God in reality. God disturbs the going of this world. So befool God by giving Him lip-honors. This makes them happy in their unhappiness. No matter who is or are axed at the altar of their material gain or growth or expansion. Such people are fully aware of their limitations of body and mind and intellect and know their stagnation or dead potentiality. But their high ambition and mean passions are well- concealed in their soft, sweet tongue, stink of their polished behavior, sycophancy and sociability. All this with the hungry eyes on being respectable and desirable and trusted for their vision and wisdom!
These great souls, religiously pretentious and morally hypocritical, have a thick population among the scarcely and sparsely thinking or enlightened on the meaning and purpose of life, or the need for creativity or any remote tendency to think below surface. So they grandly vegetate and the flock is happy with the blocked block. The slur of life arrests happiness and harmony and contribute their best to clash and conflict. This does feed the smolder of their meaner passions. Such people, happy in the unhappiness of others and happy in the unhappiness of others, are cowardly by nature and can neither do good to friends nor harm their enemy but are good at spreading stink around. Khushwant Singh, a keen observer of life, a renowned writer and an honest thinker, is right in writing with malice for all who serve their malice as charity to the trusting and the gullible.
The people who were closely associated for long in this fashion with my life were those the first letter of whose name was B or K or both or these letters doubled or tripled in their full initials. They sought and got favors even by crying and servility and were indifferent or callous or even vanished in time of need for general good. The exceptions have been or are negligible. The most harrowing and emotionally embarrassing and disturbing shocks in life I have received from those the first letter/s of whose names is S or Su or Sa. Exceptions are a few and are sighted over.
However, those who have done a great good to me and given comfort in life to me and are fully deserving of my respect, love and gratitude are those whose names begin with letter/s- Sh, G, D, J and L. Again, there are negligible derailments. But I adore and salute these persons without whom I would never have experienced or gained the best in life. They were caring, sharing and loving and sincerely rescued me. Even today I can reasonably look to them and I pray for them.
In some other categories of M, N, V, T and R, the scales have been tilting slightly or too heavily. Here most of them gave respect and love without expecting much in return. The derailed Ms and Rs extracted a ruinous price for all that they did. The people in the remaining letters category were either non-entities or no entities. I didn’t mind if they harmed or took away anything since the relationship was worldly with no emotional touch.
The truth of the body language expressed by folklore is also an important part of the painful belated realization. I have found that the crude logic and wisdom of the common mass had a truth which nothing could belie. What has been more astonishing is that the truth of the age-long folklore was fully felt in case of those whose names begin with B, K, Sa, Su and M. It is true that one’s thoughts and feelings are writ large on one’s face. “Face is the index of mind." Today we have a number of books on personality building and body language. All tell us about understanding the world and the people around to create conditions of happiness on the basis of rich experiences of the observing and the learned. They have also changed many a life.
These books awaken us and enlighten us on how the movement of the body and its different parts reveal human character. Of all the study of the face structure, forehead, neck, eyes, lips, mouth, nose and their movements are most important in understanding character. People with eyes rolling all the time and never having fixed eyes while talking to somebody or the people who look the other way while talking can’t be stable and good in their thoughts and speech. They are conscious of their shallowness and mean thinking. Such people blow many hots and colds, sweets and sours, lows and highs in the same breath. Mostly, these people with hungry looks are over-ambitious and want to flourish at the cost of others.
People rarely lifting their eyes while talking to someone, and still more rarely speaking, are cold, callous and non-committal. Similarly, people with cold hands are unconcerned with others and all that they say or do is for their selfish gain. Those whose hands remain stiff and erect while they greet others and shake hands with them are usually haughty, arrogant and also dull. Those with small eyes like that of sparrows are lusty, cunning and must gain their way. People with long nose are generally analytical, reflective and interpretative.
People with always thick drooping lips parted by their open wide mouth are lusty, greedy, light-tongued, loose-fingered and nonsensical in their speech and actions. On the other hand, people with small thin lips and mouth, mostly shut, and talk mostly in asides. Of course, with ill-will, malice, jealousy and bitterness to gain self-importance; otherwise they stand nowhere in status. People with long broad ears live longer, are scholarly and creative.
In Shakespeare’s romantic tragedy, "Antony and Cleopatra", Queen Cleopatra says that women with round face are dull and foolish. Julius Caesar wants to have around him fat, sleek-headed men who enjoy good sleep at night. He tells Antony that Cassius, a man with lean and hungry look, loves no plays, hears no music, and
"Seldom he smiles, and smiles in such a sort
As if he mocked himself, and scorned his spirit
That could be moved to smile at anything.
Such men as he be never at heart’s ease
Whiles they behold a greater than themselves,
And therefore are they very dangerous."
In "Romeo and Juliet", Shakespeare says,
"Young men’s love lies,
Not truly in their hearts, but in their eyes."
In His philosophical romance, “As You Like It”, he says that men are April when they woo and December when they wed; maids are May when they woo but the sky changes afterwards. We may enrich ourselves with such learning and folklore for our own healthy growth and avoid despair of any kind by reading good books.
To sum up, I would like to state particularly that whatever has been said is based on long personal experiences and observations of men and matters. It is not a generalization intended to hurt anybody in any way. However if anyone finds or sees any resemblance, close or otherwise, to one’s own self, it will further confirm the truth of personal experience and strengthen my convictions.