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Marriage or No Marriage
|by Nidhi Dawar|
This is one of the most often asked question to our age group, where we are still single at 25 or so, are more or less settled in our respective carrier options and are comfortable with our decisions and choices
These are just few of rapid fire questions that people of my age group are bombarded with every now and then and there are many more like these. Thus I wanted to pen down my thoughts related to marriage or no marriage. I don’t say as a single that marriage is not important in life but that even doesn't mean because now I am 25 or so therefore I should and must get married. Any relative you meet the first thing they will ask “What are you doing?”, then to mum –dad, “when are you getting her married now? Its high time to get her married, otherwise you wont get good match for her.” And the list goes on……
As a strong believer in the institution of Marriage and in good family life, I certainly feel that marriage is one of the most beautiful phase of our life cycle, but then it is also one of the riskiest phase too! When I say so, its primarily not at all undermining the dignity of Marriage but making readers realize that one good or bad decision can effect you for whole of your life time. There are examples of bad marriages, divorce rates increasing, marital discords, bad family life etc which really scares the picture worst. This requires a lot of adjustments and maturity on both the ends to make the marriage work. And I certainly feel that when I was 18 or say 21 that time also I didn’t have an iota of maturity and sensibility that may be I am having today.
There are a lot of ingredients that are required to make a nice and happy married life:
First and fore most are you ready to relocate yourself in a completely new set up? May by your values are same if you are lucky or may be they are entirely different, you like coffee and they want you to have tea with them, you like things to be organized while they like to take decisions at the last moment, you like to keep stock full, they like to get things as and when required, they want you to be participative in family affairs and you love your space and independence, and many more. Thus to make your family life work well are you ready to work on these issues objectively, sensibly and maturely….
Are you ready to make choices during the time of crisis, or in situations where you have to choose between your old dream and new life. May be you have dreamt form ages for something and today reality demands you to choose a new wonderful future reality or a beautiful yesterday’s dream, are you mentally strong enough to make those decisions. For instance, you dreamt of high profile job which you have just got and your spouse wants you to give more time to family now, as because may be they need you much more than anyone else and your presence is indispensable, so are you ready to face such dilemmas in life.
There needs to be huge part of acceptance for you, and that calls for adjustments also. Are you ready to give something from your end to build your relationship? First there has to be giving before taking. You need to deposit in the account then only you can have withdrawals. Thus there has to be acceptance to a lot of things which initially could be difficult but with your persistence you can make it easy.
When I say this I certainly don’t mean only that you have to give birth to a baby, yes that is part of it and I know one of the most beautiful role too, but here I mean to say that we have to nurture each and every member of your family, similarly as our mummy’s do for us, even if they are not fine they take care of each member of our family, and if she is lucky she gets the same from us may be once in a while or otherwise at least on Mother’s Day, Marriage Anniversary, or on her Birthday. But then she makes everyone and each member of the family feel special not only on children’s day or on special occasions rather on each and everyday in her own special way. That’s why we also call her super woman, but yes then for superman there is acknowledgment, fame and praise, but with super woman their may be or may not be acknowledgement for each and everything their and then but certainly with time yes rewards could be beautiful.
If you feel that you can do all or at least few of the above then I feel you can give a thought of getting married. And certainly it’s not the Age that needs to be the criterion of marriage rather there is much more, with age just been the tip of the iceberg and a lot of things are lying beneath it. I feel if we start taking things more at deeper level and not only at face value then there could be more fruitful relationships rather than just sour and bitter experiences for us to carry till the end of our life.
Lets stop seeing marriage through the lenses of age……
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