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Marital Discord: Sweet becomes Sour
|by Nidhi Dawar|
Peaceful marriage is both stable and blissful; it abounds with sharing, love, compassion and mercy. While disagreement and arguments are bound to happen in any relationships but the intensity and frequency may vary.
There are a great many reasons why there are disagreements in a lot of marriages today.
Imagine a couple that started out well, on the day of their wedding it was like they could never have enough of each other, but what happens after few months of marriage?
Disagreements here and there, complaints about almost everything…..
All of a sudden the once loving couple then turned into two strangers putting up with each others presence, right in their own home.
I remembered the days at hostel, when we all try hard to put up with roommates, some trials yield good fruits as we later learn to accommodate each other’s likes and dislikes. Some were not so lucky as some of the roommates cannot stand being near each other for any reason. We all had no choice, the school authority made all the arrangements and except you had alternative, you have to bear the living conditions of the hostel you were allocated.
Marriage is not to be endured, but to be enjoyed.
There are lots of reasons for marital disputes but when talking primarily in Indian scenario we have marital discords related to Dowry and physical abuse, wife not given equal status, her views are not given any importance, her choices may not be considered. On another hand we also have other set of issue emerging in our metro’s where we are emerging into nuclear family systems, couple finds it difficult to manage work as well as home responsibilities in an organized way. They are stressed at work as well as home, leading to short temper and anguish in all areas of life. Number of hours available in a day to us is still the same but on the contrary number of hours that we spend together as a couple is reducing drastically. There is so much that we all are running for that somewhere we are not realizing that we are loosing a lot of valuable things on due to that.
If I ask everyone to just reflect back that how many minutes do we spent with our spouse in knowing that how was their day? We all will know and realize the importance of this topic there and then.
Some of the reasons why there could be discord in a marriage, are listed here:
Many people confuse infatuation with love; feelings that were generated from how a person looks, the way the person talk, dresses, etc were not always good grounds for marriage. There has to be a deeper feeling that goes way beyond physical appearance. Such people always failed to know that the love they feel for each is not enough to warrant marriage, they only realize it after staying together as married couple. Or there is a lot of love but now we are taking things for granted and presume that my husband or wife knows that I love him/her and therefore I need not share my feelings with them anymore. Yes my friends I agree that action speaks louder than words, but sometime a simple love note can make a lot of difference in spoilt marriage which might be on verge of separation.
Some people are not matured enough to marry. Issues may arise in marriage that does not require outside involvement or interference, but because of immaturity every little problem in the home is discuss with all and sundry, resulting in diverse views and opinions being expressed by advisers.
We need to always remember one thing that even “Three People in a Marriage is a Crowd”. When we share our problems with others they might give us good advice or might give us useless advice, but there is no guarantee that what works for one may work for other. The couple who is into the situation need to learn to handle their day to day issues, as it is believed one’s you are able to solve your minor differences in the relationship you grow in our understanding for each other. And love and tussle are part of life. But ofcourse if the issue becomes too difficult and is distressing the normal functioning then help from experts needs to be sought.
Lots of people felt that without material possessions life would not be worthwhile. They value themselves by what and how much material goods they possess. Such attitude could end a marriage especially if the other partner is not so materialistic in nature. You must be in vogue, on top of fashion, forgetting that there are only two ways to get enough and you can only choose one, either to accumulate more and more or to desire less. In fast moving scenario of today we have become so materialistic that we have forgotten that what our prioritize in life are. Is it money and goods or peace and togetherness?
When children are not forthcoming in a marriage, some couple tends to feel that they are not right for each other, which in all the cases is not true. When it comes to children, it is only God that gives them at his appointed time. They are his heritage and nobody can hurry God, he makes all things beautiful in his time. We might have grad often that a couple had to divorce after years of marriage because of childlessness. This is not supposed to be so. Procreation is one of the many reasons for marriage, and not the reason.
Yes children are one of the reasons which binds a couple together and closer, but it is often seen also that sometimes we get so involved in our family responsibilities and needs that as a couple we forget to invest into each other. We start taking things for granted. Children act as binders but to have a happy married life we also need to have quality time as a couple together.
Unfaithfulness in marriage can be either ways, husband cheating on the wife or vice versa. This mostly is not as a result of either party failing in anyway, but because of an underlying desire to cheat.
One’s a partner found cheating instead of reacting impulsively one’s need to see that what the reason behind the act was. When I am saying this I am not asking you to forget or forgive the person rather to buy time and try to see the situation cooling. And again if help required consult specialist for help.
Thus this topic on marital discord is one of the hot topics and is always been so. There needs to be adjustment and tolerance on both the partners, and persistence and will to make their relationship work. No relationship can work without putting effort to make it work. Thus I would like to end by saying that Try to be tolerant to your relationships and if there is any help required instead of taking extreme steps we should try to go for consultation with the experts and to seek timely help.
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