Memories Erased ...
... ‘Deleted them from my friends list! Finally!’
It seemed as a burden off her mind and heart. But did it matter to them? Doubtful! They had already deleted her from their lives twenty five years ago….the day her mother was gone.
She had called her Mausi (mother’s dear sister) from the telephone booth right outside the Civil Hospital that day, ”They’ve taken her to Delhi,” her voice breaking for want of breath, ”She was unconscious, didn’t even open her eyes when I called out to her ‘Mummy’. Daddy has gone with her along with elder brother. I am alone. Please come here.” And she could speak no more. The reply from the other side startled her, ”Why don’t you come over here. We’ll make a program here to go to Delhi.” A program! Really? Mausi needed a program to go to see her dying sister? The sister who had been a pillar of support to her in her days of distress and ailments!
Heart- broken, teary eyed, she paid the PCO man and went back to the empty home along with her younger brother. The house was as unbearable for her as her life was going to be henceforth. Everywhere she could see the things that were going to miss her mother….the pillow with the creases, her favourite jasmine flowers in a small bowl by her bedside, the windows left open to help her breathe fresh air….she had been having a lot of trouble breathing that day but the fresh air didn’t help.
The day…and who can forget such days….perhaps the first time she had known the truth of the relations she had held so dear till then. A blow to her tender heart…about to be torn to apart sooner than later.
Her mother never came back from Delhi. “I have my college to attend tomorrow. I’ll be going back to Saharanpur,” Her Mausi was the first to react as soon as she heard the news. And she was off to her home from Delhi, not waiting any longer.
The coldness of death or the coldness of the human heart…what’s more frightful? She could never tell.
She was left alone with the memories of the days that never saw the light of the day. And those that she regretted, the ones when she had been angry with her mother, the ones she had revolted against for as silly a reason as one mind find foolish. She was annoyed again. This time with everybody around….everyone she had thought as trustworthy and reliable in times of need. But that’s the way it is! It’s normal human behavior supposedly!
Nobody else, but she was at fault. She had missed the very crux of life and this was the first lesson of practical life she had been taught by none other than life itself! All the formulae and tables, laws and theories fail when it comes to human life and more so, to the psychological workings of the human mind.
Her expectations of finding a shoulder to cry on were shattered as a glass pane…she found none of those dear relatives around that day or on the days to come. Weren’t they the ones with whom she had spent her holidays together, laughed together…then where were they when she wept alone? “Why there’s none today to weep together?” she could hardly comprehend.
It took her twenty five years to shed off the burden off her heart. She had been chasing a dream that never was…there was nobody…just shadows. They had all deserted her and her family from their lives long ago…only she took a longer time to realise.
She had been trying to reach out to them…visiting them…They, who never were there when she needed them the most for she existed no more for them anymore. The silhouettes aren’t to be traced…they’re just memories….
And today…she erased that memory!!!