Among universal negative attributes, anger and mistrust are twosome that cause maximum discomfort and harm to the practicing person and his (or her) relationship with others. We all know that the sour relationship may become a toxic exchange of hurtful words and utterances, impaired trust, and emotional and physical abuse.

Anger is one of the chief villains of the human attributes with a colossal impact not only on the angry person (subject, first person) as primary sufferer but also the victim of anger (object, second person) as secondary sufferer, and one or more linked people (third person) as tertiary sufferer(s). The usual pattern is that when someone is angry, the stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline (epinephrine) are instantly released by the adrenal glands in conjunction with the pituitary, and one's body goes into a sort of fight-or-flight mode. Then the perceptible and visible symptoms in the body include the racing of heart, reddening of face, tight muscles and headache that may culminate into nasty and spiteful words, iconic loss of civic sense and faith, or even emotional and physical abusiveness. In extreme cases, angry people resort to violence and heinous criminal acts like inflicting injury or even murder.

The anger has a potential not only to subsume the angry person’s sane thoughts rendering it well-nigh hard to focus and relax but also leads to impulsive actions and decisions culminating into hurtful words, or even physical abuse, leading to strained and spoiled relationships. On the other hand, the second person (object) would feel hurt, or even angry himself depending upon the contextual circumstance. All others linked to either of the two, including even bystanders, are also bound to be affected, in being uncomfortable, stressed and anxious to intervene, which at times resolves but complicates too the overall situation.

A more sane and advisable way to handle and conduct with anger is to take deep breath and step back to cool down before taking any issue with the concerned person or party. When one ponders with a calm and cool mind, he is able to identify and judge the real trigger judiciously as also pros and cons of his action. People who are good listeners, practice empathy and communication, and indulge in regular exercise and creative activities, stand a better chance for an effective anger management thereby successfully diffusing unpleasant situations.

Now if we look at the mistrust, it is like a mental sickness or a slow-paced storm, unceremoniously affecting the person’s all spheres of life. The person (he or she) who habitually mistrust people around (this could be his spouse, kin, friends, relatives, coworkers, beloved or other people in general), has a recurring tendency to feel restless, insecure, anxious and hyper-vigilant with a habit or tendency to constantly question intent and actions of others. Naturally, this person frequently feels emotionally exhausted, finds it difficult to connect with the people in surroundings, besides usually suffering from a low self-esteem and self-doubt.

Consequently, the second person who is being mistrusted is likely to feel hurt and at the receiving end. So this person may feel frustrated and helpless, start questioning his own actions and worth or even choose an aggressive approach in dealing with the one who mistrusted. In either case, the consequent troubled relationship might lead to distance, detachment and alienation. As for the linked or unlinked people in the environment are concerned, they tend to become wary and cautious with the distrustful person, cannot remain unaffected with the uneasy atmosphere created causing stress and tension. Some of them might also be caught in the middle willfully or by chance forced to take sides.

Likewise anger, the mistrust also has potential to erode and spoil relationship and friendship between people. Doubts and tension created by mistrust foster an atmosphere of suspicion and fear thereby creating a toxic environment pushing the person towards isolation and loneliness. It is possible to eradicate mistrust with some efforts, empathy and communication between persons with an open mind. For this, it is essential that people acknowledge concerns and feelings of others with open mind and heart, and thus agreeing to communicate and work understanding each-other in an endeavor to rebuild trust.

To sum it up, let there be no doubt in any mind that the anger and mistrust combining together have a multiplier effect…like a tsunami in relationships. The two together are capable of creating a vicious circle, wherein both feed each other, and together they create chaos for everyone concerned. For instance, if anger fuels conflict, mistrust makes it plenty hard to resolve it. Then the two together ensure the communication breakdown, emotional and physical exhaustion, increase blaming intensity and loss of self-esteem severely damaging bilateral relationships.

To illustrate it further, anger follows with hurtful or abusive words while mistrust makes it very difficult to listen or believe each other. Naturally, if they cannot openly communicate, it is bound to create communication gap widening fissure in the relationship. Conversely, while mistrust makes involved people defensive, anger escalates it by lashing out through the blame game. Then there is no doubt that anger and mistrust together drain out the person with a sustained emotional and physical anxiety, stress and exhaustion. Needless to mention, the outcome are emotional trauma, loss of mutual love and respect, and a broken relationship. When it occurs in families, it may have impact on parent-child relations through distancing or rebellion, sibling relationships can turn into lifelong rivalries, and within overall family gamut, members find it hard to feel secure and loved.

When anger and mistrust creep into a love relationship, the two together act like a slow poison. They have a potential of eroding the very basis of bonding i.e. love, respect and care that they mutually shared, leaving behind a trail of hurt and resentment. It’s because the true love is based on an unconditional acceptance while anger and mistrust tend to make it conditional. The emotional turmoil and consequent distancing kill the erstwhile intimacy making it difficult to reconnect at the same level. Mistrust also breeds fear and anxiety and loved ones find it difficult to feel secure and loved. Mistrust clubbed with anger often leads to creation of an open conflict or silent permanent distancing by moving on. However, in either case it is difficult to be free from recurring emotional pain, heartache and despondency.

Among all human attributes, love is an emotion that can subdue and conquer all negative attributes in all relationships. It has an unquestionable potential to rebuild faith, heal wounds and strengthen the relationship. The power of an unconditional love could be safely placed only next to God, as it is undoubtedly a powerful tool for a credible healing and growth, and a time tested medicine and guaranteed solution for all evils troubling the human relationships.

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