...So, Shame is a Game!

Dear friends!

Attended a unique literary cum art meeting— “UNLEARNING SHAME”—on 19 Apr 2026—organised by Lampshade Writers (founder: Nivedita). The theme was the idea of Meetu Chawla, and she asked the participants to talk of the shame they were subjected during the earlier stages of life and also recently…how they felt it, whether they did anything to undo it, etc. She also asked them to mention the plus points in themselves. 

And I did not feel ashamed to uncover the shakes I went through. The first one from one of my school teachers who, while explaining the superlative degree, looked at my close friend cum classmate Malladi Sri Rama Chandra Murthy (MSRM) and beamed with an example: “MSRM is the most handsome boy in the class.” MSRM was average or slightly below average in studies. But I heartily smiled. 

Then the teacher turned toward me, with another example: “Atreya Sarma is the ugliest boy in the class.” Naturally, I felt insulted since I was always the topper or the 2nd topper in the class. 

“Why didn’t it strike the teacher to give the example in another way, like— ‘Atreya Sarma is the most meritorious boy in the class,” or “Atreya Sarma is one of the most meritorious boys in the class.” It gnawed at my heart. But of course, my continuing record of marks undid my shame. And iron refines bright when it is burnt. 

Then, Meetu Chawla asked us to take out our notebooks and pen an outer square and an inner square. In the outer square, we should write about our respective perceived merits; and in the inner, the shames we underwent.

Outer square: I help the needy, the lower section of people who serve within our gated community; I write poetry, etc., I organise different types of meetings. I own responsibilities, maintain holistic health; and it makes me equanimous, relatively at least.

Inner square: Not much encouragement from my better half, though she is better than me in many aspects. This discouraging attitude shouldn’t dilute my spirit. My son is authoritative and questions my intelligence, sharpness of mind, etc. After all, he is my son, he should have that liberty. But he doesn’t belittle me before outsiders. Then I recall my own way of interaction with my father. Some residents in the gated community ignore me, and I don’t mind. Anyway, even legends and Gods too are not free from criticism. These types of negative attitude spur me into penning a full-length article or make it a part of a short story, or scribble a novel, if I have a long life. 

When my turn came, I talked about a few latest shames—that some of my close kin look away from my literary merit and ignore me. That some of my co-residents in the community look down upon me and snigger variously—“Fair am I, dark you are!”— “A billionaire am I, a pauper you are!”—“Tall am I, short are you!”— “Highly educated am I, not so you are!”— “Owner  am I of an apartment, herein, but tenant you’re!”— “Own I four apartments in this community alone, so I disown you, a tenant” — “My caste is great, oh, you outcaste!” 

My silent answer is: “Sir, I am not coming in your way. You stay in your position or orbit; and I’ll in my own.” 

Another shame was, one of my close relations would always cut me short whenever I speak. He tries to ridicule me by saying, “Just because you think you’re a poet, don’t be garrulous.” He wants my presence but makes me feel that I should be absent. He also pitted me against a close relation whom he hero-worshipped a lot. He would share his connections with that hero, but never utters any compliment to me. After a couple of days both of them visited me at my place. And they were surprised by looking at the canvas hanging on my door. It was my poetic eulogy in acrostic style on the two. I needn’t elaborate their reaction.

On hearing the anecdotes from the participants, Meetu Chawla said: “Now write down on a slip of paper the most shameful thing that anguished you. But don’t mention your name.” She then asked us to be self-compassionate, and to neutralise and unlearn the shame…and then close our eyes, and stay calm for a minute. When it was over, she said, “Now gently open your eyes, with your heart totally cleaned.” This process reminded me of the Heartfulness Meditation I am acquainted with. Finally, she asked us to tear away the slips into pieces! 

Let me disclose what I scribbled on the slip: “Whatever the so-called shames glared at me; I brushed them aside as peripheral snippets and not as those that would affect my heart at all. I took them positively, since they gave me an opportunity of penning a poem or article!”

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Main Points by Meetu Chawla (Ph. 98367 22255):

~ Shame is identity based; grit is action based.
~ Shame spiral. 
~ Shame is a controlling device.
~ Don’t internalise shame.
~ Identify the triggers in your life, and think over them. Pause for a while…and question yourself.
~ Build emotional resilience.  

~*~

Hats off to Meetu Chawla for taking us all on a trajectory of introspection, compassion, positivity, and serenity. Kudos to Nivedita, the organiser & her team. Also, thanks to the equal unique venue—Luna Books (Jubilee Hills, Hyderabad)—a book store pulsating with tranquillity and aesthetic creativity. Sometime next time, I’ll elaborate on it.