My name is Samson and life is so damn unfair.
I lost my strength when the Philistines cut off my hair.
Delilah betrayed me by telling them my secret and I'm appalled.
I'm glad they put my eyes out because I don't want to see my head in the mirror because it's bald.
I'm pushing these two pillars which will kill everybody and they and I am so scared.
When they dig me out from beneath the rubble, they'll see that I'll need a change of underwear.