Theme: Life

Of Dark Silhouettes and Patina Of Warm Hues

by Mamta Joshi
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Contrasting palettes
Of bland and vibrant colours
Of plains and high altitudes
Obscurity and luminous shades of prosperity
The people held together by the warp and weft of the beating heart
Expected to show up for the gala opening
Like greasy metaphors
Slip away from the grasp
Collapsible relations like chairs
Folded and kept away after use
The infantile trust shatters
The hurt eddies around
Twinge of pain fades away 
The autumnal closet with its mellow sadness
Dons a new gloss after the leaves have yellowed and withered
Life never whines for long
Shrewd joy leaves no one untouched
A new song begins soon after 
The previous one has tapered away
Moods and tints
Manifold and varied
Urge the artist to cover the blank canvas
The past bleached to perfection
The gallery has business to take care of
The monotony of self-destruction has to blur after all.

17-May-2016

More By  :  Mamta Joshi

Views: 989     Comments: 1

Comments on this Poem

Comment An original poem of artistic merit. It is difficult to criticize a poem, one of the problems being meaning is conveyed in just those words, and to suggest different is to impose one's own sensibility, and change the poem. But seeing as a poem is never wholly one's own, but springs from common feeling, then there is a case for adjustment to a common way of expression, that distinguishes the right way, and that improves the poem while not compromising its originality. I will here highlight only a couple of examples from the text.

Contrasting palettes
of bland and vibrant colours

there is repetition of the first in the second line; perhaps,

Juxtaposed palettes
of bland and vibrant colours

with the added alliterative embellishment.

Then,

Of plains and high altitudes
Obscurity and luminous shades of prosperity

to

Of plains and mountains
Destitution and bands of luminous prosperity

In the original 'plains and high altitudes' are two different species of word being contrasted as the same. You can say, ' I was in the plains before I moved into the mountains.' but not 'I was in the plains before I moved into the high altitudes'.

' luminous shades' is what is called an oxymoron. The use of 'bands' is in keeping with 'luminous'. Obscurity is not the contrast to prosperity as it might be to 'recognition'.

Criticism is valid if it returns one to the best expression of common feeling even as the poem is original. The poet, after all, is in each of us.



rdashby
18-May-2016 17:04 PM


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