Comments on this Poem
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An original poem of artistic merit. It is difficult to criticize a poem, one of the problems being meaning is conveyed in just those words, and to suggest different is to impose one's own sensibility, and change the poem. But seeing as a poem is never wholly one's own, but springs from common feeling, then there is a case for adjustment to a common way of expression, that distinguishes the right way, and that improves the poem while not compromising its originality. I will here highlight only a couple of examples from the text.
Contrasting palettes
of bland and vibrant colours
there is repetition of the first in the second line; perhaps,
Juxtaposed palettes
of bland and vibrant colours
with the added alliterative embellishment.
Then,
Of plains and high altitudes
Obscurity and luminous shades of prosperity
to
Of plains and mountains
Destitution and bands of luminous prosperity
In the original 'plains and high altitudes' are two different species of word being contrasted as the same. You can say, ' I was in the plains before I moved into the mountains.' but not 'I was in the plains before I moved into the high altitudes'.
' luminous shades' is what is called an oxymoron. The use of 'bands' is in keeping with 'luminous'. Obscurity is not the contrast to prosperity as it might be to 'recognition'.
Criticism is valid if it returns one to the best expression of common feeling even as the poem is original. The poet, after all, is in each of us.
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