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Surrendering To Love

One time I was afraid.
I tried to run away.
Run away from you.
You didn't argue.
Or try to change my mind.
You sat on the bed.
Watched every move I made.
Listened to all the mean things I said.

I opened drawers one by one.
Threw clothes into a suitcase.
I picked up memory after memory...
Then put them back down.
I was crumbling inside.
I was running scared.
I was terrified.
I had to get away!

You did nothing.
Never hurt me.
Never set me aside.
Never said cruel words.
Never betrayed devotion.
But, there I was.
Afraid.
And running away.

Packing as fast as I could.
I felt your eyes.
Boring into my body.
Following my every move.
I hurried as fast as I could.
`Cause I was running away.
Away from you.
Away from us.

There on the nightstand.
By my side of the bed.
Were photo's.
Our Wedding Day.
Your Graduation.
You in your 'Dress Blues.'
Me with a smile.
I looked away.

But I thought,
"What is wrong with me?
I should have peace.
I should have joy.
I should be grateful.
I should be reveling in our love.
But I'm not.
I'm afraid."

You just sat on that bed.
Not saying a word.
Just watching me pack.
Watching me separate myself from you.
Inside I raged!
I was SO afraid.
I was running.
I knew it.

I had pulled all the walls up.
Locked all the doors.
I could not look you in the eyes.
I was running away.
If not from you,
Then from myself.
And into the void of me.
Hiding in that empty place.

I loved you more than breath.
But I was afraid of your love.
Afraid to be open.
Revealed.
You'd done nothing wrong.
But I was still running.
Running scared.
Running in the dark.

I left everything of 'us' behind.
Didn't take anything of you.
I couldn't bear to recall the memories.
The Heaven sent days.
Or the glorious nights.
You opened your arms.
But I wouldn't step in.
I couldn't step in.

You never said a word.
Just sat on the bed.
Watching me pack.
With one finger you touched my skin.
And I began to tremble.
And then to crumble.
I was SO afraid.
To let Love win.

I cried, "No, I can't stay!
This is all too good.
I can't stay and lose it all in the end!"
I was afraid to be loved.
I was afraid not to be loved.
I was afraid,
Of being afraid.
Period.

I grabbed my bag.
Ran down the hall.
I heard your steps behind me.
I handed you the key.
Our hands touched.
Our eyes met.
My heart beat wildly.
And I froze.

Gently,
You reached for my face.
Cupped it in your large, warm
Callused hands.
Gazed deep in my eyes.
Whispered,
"I'll be here when you come back.
I love you."

I saw in your eyes, Love.
Raw and pure.
Strong and gentle.
Urgent, violent.
In your eyes I saw tears.
Your heartache broke through my wall.
Seared my soul.
And I fell into your arms.

Your eyes imprinted
Your love on my heart.
You loved your love into me.
You've never lost me.
I've never lost you.
I'm no longer afraid to love you.
Nor afraid to let you love me.
And I'll never run again.

18-Jan-2001

More By  :  Roberta Lee Wilcox

Views: 1379     Comments: 1

Comments on this Poem

Comment This is wonderful!

Roberta Wilcox
31-Dec-2020 13:34 PM


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