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by Aarti Honrao
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I fell in love the day I met him…
but the day I realized he doesn't love me..
I felt as if I had committed a sin.
We were good friends before…
we used to sit at the seashore
And tell each other our problems..
Whom we hated and who were our beloved ones.
He used to tell me about a girl,
Someone who was familiar
He said she was like a pearl and was his dear.
I thought he was talking about me…
I used to feel great and look at the sea
And she used to look back at me…
as if wanting to say something!
I used to think…how close we were to each other..
He used to smile and blink, as if saying,
"We are made for each other."
BUT…One day we went to the seashore...
as we everyday used to
He was very sad and I did not know what to do.
For an hour or so…
we looked at the sea and then at each other,
The laughter on his face was lost forever.
I could not take it anymore
and I finally placed my hand on his shoulder
And asked him what was the matter?
With tears in his eyes he said..
"Today for the first time I have failed in my life."
I said I did not understand what he wanted to mention..
Because for failing we did not have any examination!
Then he held my hand in his...and in my hand I held his.
He began -"I loved her and today I proposed her
But she has said 'NO'
and has ruined my life by doing so."
These words pierced my hearty like a sword…
and I could not say a word.
Then he explained to me, how truly he loved her
But not a single word I could utter.
I just kept on listening to him...
trying to hide my tears from him.
But he saw them and felt I was feeling sad for him..
So, he wiped off the tears...creating a wave of shivers..
As he touched my cheeks…
this was what I was waiting for…
all these weeks!!
Then we got up to go and I looked at the sea once more,
I felt…she was giving me an advice,
She was saying -" Before falling in love…think twice."
Then I thought over it again and again..
But… my efforts to convince my heart were in vain.
I felt, we both were like the sky and the sea
Though seemed near how far were we!
The only difference was...
the sky loved the sea...but he never loved me!
Then… all of a sudden he held my hand in his and…
gave me a kiss!
He waited for a moment for me to pass a comment..
But I kept mum because I too wanted one.
He said he liked me and now wanted to marry me
I asked him to give me some time...
though I wanted to say yes at the same time.
But I did not want him to know that I loved him!
I've told him a hundred times that I love him
But he does not know that I used to love him...
even in 'Those Days'!
Even today I think of those days...
and console myself in many ways..
I stay awake at night when the world's asleep in delight
Sometimes in the darkness of the night
A thought crosses my mind that he is not near me
But…when he turns on the bed...
I realize that he is besides me!
Then I bend over him and kissing his forehead...
Thank him..
For giving me a chance to prove my love…
Though not the first…but at least a second one!
Because now I am sure...
he is with me and he will never depart
And I will always remain in his heart!
Though he used to love her before…
he has forgotten her now
Now, he only loves me and wants to see me happy!
As usual we still go to the seashore
and I still look at the sea!!
With a smile on my face I tell the sea...
how much he loves me.
And with a mysterious smile on her face
she looks back at me.
With the same happiness in my heart
and smile on my face…I look at the sky..
And the sky begins to cry...
I assure the sea that one day she will succeed
Then...he calls me from behind
and asks me what is in my mind?
I just look at him and smile
then I again look at the sea and.. she smiles at me.
He does not know about the conversation
between me and the sea
And I do not know what relation she has with me!!
Till today I feel sorry for the sea
and she feels happy for me!!
Horizon - II
I went to the sea today
I was alone and there was no one with me.
I was lonely and gloomy.... and so was she.
She very well knew as to why I had come to meet her
And my problem was...what was troubling her.
I went close to her and she caressed me
And the love bloomed again...
Between me and the sea.
I shed tears ....... and so did she
In all her possible attempts she failed to console me
With silence on her lips
She spoke the language of the eyes.
I understood the question
And tears accumulated in my eyes.
She wanted to know about him
She wanted details about my love theme.
I told her everything and hid absolutely nothing.
I told her...... how he left me
Without even telling me..
How our love ended up in a ditch..
How he cursed me and called me a bitch.
The reason to leave me
Was as simple as this -
I loved somebody in my college days…
somebody told him this.
I tried telling him that the person I loved
was no one but him.
He could not trust me… And decided to leave me.
I told the sea - as to how our closeness ended up
to be like her's
I told her not to dream about meeting the sky
Because this will take her away from the sky.
Because as she was of the same nature as I
I thought he was the sky !
I would have been happier
If I would have not married him
And continued to love him.
At least then he would have not complained...
That I broke his trust...and I was a flirt.
For the first time it so happened
That I gave advice to the sea..
Instead she giving it to me !!
She wiped away the tears from my eyes
With tears in her own...
She said she is the one whom I can call as my own.
She promised me that she would never meet the sky.
Therefore -
Though they seem near..
The sea is far away from the sky !!
Horizon - III
Final Embrace
I spend my days now, just by thinking of him…
Though he hates me now, I still love him.
I can no more sleep on the same bed as we did
My heart cries but my eyes do not feel the need.
I miss him very much and cannot live without him
I am going to try again to convince him.
How to do is what I do not know…
I want him back is what I know.
I need him to give meaning to my life
Because without him I see no life.
As I have no one other than the sea to call as mine,
I am going to tell her all problems of mine.
With the intention of opening my heart
When I reached the sea…
She was surprised to see me…
She was more surprised to see
the determined look in me!
And she worried as to what will happen of me.
I told her how I spend sleepless nights
How I feel scared even to switch off the lights.
I told her that the insecurity was eating my life
And without him, I cannot lead my life.
Understanding my problems
She advised me to go and meet him
And explain the fact to him.
So, taking the blessings from the sea
I collected courage and left the sea.
With pain in my heart and fear in my eyes,
I went to meet him and speak the language of the eyes.
But -
The moment I met him,
My eyes hid behind the tears
And my lips got stuck with fear.
He moved to close the door on me
As he hated to see me.
Gaining my courage all over again…
I overcame the pain
And spoke to him and explained how much I loved him!
But, he had no ears for me
And therefore to leave… was the only option left for me.
I came rushing to the sea and told her how he treated me
She cried herself but tried to console me.
I told her that now my life had no meaning
And what was the use living?
With pain in her eyes she looked at me
And said -
"Come dear… merge in me."
I went near the sea and she embraced me!!
Suddenly -
I could see him coming towards the sea
Then he tried to pull me away from the sea.
He told me how sorry he was to suspect me…
Now…he realized his mistake and terribly missed me.
I looked at the sea and she looked back at me.
She paused for a while and gave me a chance…
To choose between him and the sea.
Though I loved him…and now he again loved me
I realized how much the sea had done for me.
Therefore -
With his love in my heart I opted for the sea!!
Thus … that embrace of the sea …
Was The Final Embrace for me!!!
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December 24, 2000
More By: Aarti Honrao
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