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Panic Poem
by Ambika Bhatt
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  I feel old
did I tell you that?
I have wrinkles on my soul
did I tell you that?

did I tell you
that I cry in my dreams…?
I writhe in my sleep…
did I tell you that?
I have bruises on my heart…
did I tell you that?
my pain would never end…
did I tell you that?
my nights wander like ghosts
down dark alleys and half-lighted caves…
did I tell you
that you'd have to wait
till I "make" myself??

my "self" is hardly formed…
did I tell you that?
my ideals are in infancy…
did I tell you that?
I learn from mistakes…
did I tell you that?
I cry bloody tears…
I walk through fire each night…
I have a habit of burning my soul…
I can't exist without killing myself…
I am separate from me…
I am only beginning to know you…
it could take me years to reach you…
will you wait?
will you?
how do I know?
how do I know for sure?
tell me…
how do I know for sure…?

I am stubborn …
I search endlessly for answers…
I speak so much you could die listening to me…
would you listen?
would you wait?
that's what I want to know…
would you wait?
would you?

September 15 ,2000
More by :  Ambika Bhatt
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Solitude and other poems by Rajender Krishan
 


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